| Project 2009: June Status Report | Jul. 1st, 2009 @ 08:29 pm |
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At the end of 2008, I posted about wanting 2009 to be about doing new scary things that I'd been scared to do in the past. As part of that, I'm posting a 'status update' at the end of each month. Here are the things I've done for Project 2009 in June:
- Went tandem hang gliding! One of the most exciting/most awesome things I've done in a long time. Planning to start learning to hang glide next year once I have the driving thing learned. :)
- Signed up for driving lessons! I start in a week and a half with classroom sessions, then do in-car lessons from end of July until Octoberish.
- Got over my fear of falling from heights climbing! I had a couple falls on 5.10a routes while I was working on them, and it helped me to get over my fear of falling. I fall fairly regularly now and take more chances on routes that I wouldn't have before. I'm enjoying climbing a lot more now that i'm not being limited by fear anymore.
- Got belay certified at Planet Granite, and climbed there. They do things a bit differently than the place we normally climb (Rock Oasis) so that was a scary thing, but did it! :)
- Filed final set of divorce paperwork. Was hard to do after the last few dealings I'd had with the courts (they do not have polite customer service...), but I managed it and it's done.
- Went to National Anthems, my (sorta) first rave. Was at Forever Young last month, but had to take off early on. This one (last night) we didn't have to take off, and had an awesome wonderful time. Next one later this month likely/hopefully ;)
Goals for the next month:
- See my audiologist/dispenser and get a hearing test done and new earmolds made (yes, still need to do this...)
- Go to all of my driving school classroom sessions and start my in-car lessons!
- Get new clothes for special situations (like climbing) other than my normal khakis and t-shirt.
Half a year of Project 2009 down! I'm extremely happy with my progress so far. I love my new and improved life! :)Current Mood:  ecstatic |
| first hang gliding tandem! | Jun. 18th, 2009 @ 09:21 pm |
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here's the post I said I'd write about my first tandem hang gliding flight :)
( sarah's first hang gliding tandem )
x-posted from my hanggliding.org blogCurrent Mood: ecstatic |
| dream again :) | Jun. 13th, 2009 @ 10:10 am |
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(suspected links to waking reality in [])
I was going out for lunch from work, and bumped into two ex-coworkers in the PATH (TO and DL), one of whom isn't even in Toronto anymore in waking reality [i've been seeing the coworkers on twitter lately]. We decided to all go for lunch together, to the new 'city food court' that just opened. They knew about it, but I didn't because I didn't work on the PATH anymore [i don't]. We all started heading there, but they remembered you needed to buy a membership in order to get access to eat there [maybe related to needing a membership to climb at our rock climbing gym, or at MEC?], and the store that sold memberships was on the way. We headed there and it turned out the 'membership card' was a stuffie backpack that was a lunchbag! [i have a Big Bird stuffie backpack i use lately]. We headed into the membership store and they both chose memberships that were some kind of blue creature [![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) lisanys has a cookie monster stuffie backpack i see often], and the person running the store thought a penguin one suited me better, so I got that one [i have a Tux stuffie sitting on top of my cube at work]. We went to pay and it turned out the memberships to eat at the food court were $80! I was surprised at that, but the person running the store explained that the money went to running a series of parks across the country [there's a new toronto by-law that requires stores to charge $0.05 for plastic bags, and most of them now have signs up saying that the money goes towards supporting $X_GREEN_CAUSE], and that the parks had rock climbing in them [was out rock climbing yesterday]. Someone was playing with an elephant stuffie backpack [muchtoofeminine is an effilant and i talk to her a lot], and put it on my head (not sure why), then Lisa woke me up in waking reality. As I was waking up I still felt the stuffie there, and kept trying to move it off (in my waking reality) without any success *giggle*.
Odd dream, but at least not scary ;)Current Mood:  amused |
| hang gliding photos! | Jun. 10th, 2009 @ 08:54 pm |
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Had some time to postprocess the photos taken of my hang gliding tandem flight last weekend, and they're up in my gallery.
( also the photos are behind this cut )Current Mood:  bouncy |
| Project 2009: May Status Report | Jun. 4th, 2009 @ 07:03 am |
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At the end of 2008, I posted about wanting 2009 to be about doing new scary things that I'd been scared to do in the past. As part of that, I'm posting a 'status update' at the end of each month. Here are the things I've done for Project 2009 in May (yes, i know it's late):
- Talked a lot more in my eating disorder support group. I've always found that the groups I talk more in are the ones I get more out of, but it's always been really hard to do. I asked others in the group to poke at me if I'm being overly quiet, and they started doing that. It's really been helping me notice that I'm being quiet that day, and to push myself to fix it. I've been getting a lot more out of groups the last few weeks due to it too. :)
- Got my G1 (first level of graduated licensing, like a learner's permit) driver's license! This was technically right at the end of April, but it didn't get onto my April Project 2009 summary.
- Went to Forever Young.
Goals for the next month:
- See my audiologist/dispenser to a hearing test done, my hearing aids adjusted, and new earmolds made. This has been on my list since March, but it's really scary and I've been avoiding it. The last few days I've been operating with my aids turned up as high as they'll go, and it's greatly improved my comprehension ability. I'm taking this as a sign I need another hearing test done, and probably program modifications on my aids to compensate for what's likely more loss. Really, really need to get this one done...
- Go tandem hang gliding in California.
- Stop slacking off on Project 2009. I need to be doing more scary things ;)
Current Mood:  accomplished |
| » awesome weekend. lots. |
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had a really, really good past few days. short on time and motivation to write a long post, so i'll just summarize it :)
chirik and lilyth_lindorie flew in mid-afternoon Friday, and we all met up at Rock Oasis. we climbed together for a few hours and had a really good time. it's fun climbing in a group of 4, and especially with people we're not used to climbing with. much fun! didn't make much technical progress that day, but that's fine. lilyth_lindorie, lisanys and i went out for dinner after, which was fun. lilyth_lindorie being off caffeine makes a huuuuuge positive difference :) we went our separate ways after dinner, got home and crashed for the night.
saturday we met up at the normal weekly furry brunch, had foods and chatted. the original plan was to head to a kandimaking party in a park for the afternoon, but as it was thunderstorming we made alternate plans to hang out at First Canadian Place and work on kandi. got a bunch of nifty stuff made, only incident we had was security asking us not to sit on the floor, only the benches. we were fine with that (though there was limited room once the trays of supplies were on the benches), and them not kicking us out was nice. we headed to jack astors for dinner after, which was nummy (though service was slow, which was an issue as we were already running a bit late). lisanys and i headed back home for a short time to swap out backpacks, drop off the large amount of stuff we were carrying around, change, increase in cuteness, etc. spent 30mins or so at home, then headed back downtown to a rave (Forever Young). will post separately about that at some point soon, so i'll gloss over details for now. lisa and i headed off early morning, came home, crashed, and slept for ~4 hours.
got up today and headed downtown to have linner with everyone, hang out and talk for a bunch of hours, then headed back home for dinner. as we've had dinner out a lot this weekend, wanted/needed to have a normal at-home dinner. my nutritionist is already going to be annoyed at me enough about some things this weekend, don't need more reasons for her to be annoyed :P overall i've done really well with eating over the past few days though, which I'm happy about. there are some times in which there just isn't a good way to keep on-plan 100%.
overall had an awesome, wonderful weekend with lots of nifty people. squeeee!
(yes, i'm uncensoring some of my life here that i've previously avoided mentioning on lj. yay uncensoring!)
May. 10th, 2009 @ 09:54 pm
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| » weird dream about my paw... |
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weiiiiiird dreams last night. the one i remember best (that i just woke up from and had to check my paws) was the last one...
i dreamt that i was coming home from work (i lived with my mother and stepdad, which is odd in itself), and as I was opening the door, I noticed I'd lost part of the ring finger on my left hand! it looked like it had been that way for years, not something that just happened. i was really worried! i went inside and pulled my mom/stepdad aside to show them (my grandmother was there, and i didn't want her to know for some reason). when i was showing them what happened, i noticed that i hadn't lost it *all*, just... a part. the very tip (a few mm) was still there, in place, but then there was a couple cm of it missing! i had a *gap* in my finger... and the end was still staying in place as i was moving around. my mom seemed concerned, but didn't seem to understand why i was so worried/scared about it. my stepdad was explaining to me and her how, due to "physics", it made sense that the tip was still floating in midair. physics had "come so far since 1915" that things like this were possible. o.O
was very glad to wake up and see that i didn't have any weird gaps in my paws in real life...
May. 3rd, 2009 @ 09:56 am
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| » Project 2009: April Status Report |
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At the end of 2008, I posted about wanting 2009 to be about doing new scary things that I'd been scared to do in the past. As part of that, I'm posting a 'status update' at the end of each month. Here are the things I've done for Project 2009 in April:
- Still working lots on recovery from anorexia. I figure I can keep putting this under accomplished goals for at least another month or two. ;)
- Wrote more, both on LJ and on paper again. I'm finding journalling on paper (and writing paper letters to ana, my eating disorder) is helping me a lot lately.
- Did my 2008 taxes. I still have to file them, but a couple days into May is fine (CRA owes me a bunch of money due to a bunch of things that happened in 2008, so they don't care if it's in by April 30). They're done, just need mailing.
- Got my hair re-dyed! Went to a professional this time, and it came out awesome. Mostly dark purple, but just at the front it's blue on the left and pink on the right. I love it lots. Need a new LJ icon soon... My hair in the current icon is way out of date now ;)
- Talked to my mum a bunch, and came out to her about a bunch of things related to our past and our identity. Have been wanting to do that for many years now, so was really good to do so! :)
Goals for the next month:- See my audiologist/dispenser to get new earmolds done. This was on my list of goals for March and April, but didn't happen due to... well, mostly that it's really scary. It still needs to get done...
- Talk more in my eating disorder support group. I did a little better with this over the past week, I need/want to work on this a lot more though.
- Hang glide in the Toronto area, and/or set up something to do so in California when I'm there in early June.
May. 1st, 2009 @ 10:42 pm
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| » epic visit |
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visited my mum and stepdad today, had a very epic visit. talked to my mum for a few hours, a lot about my past and growing up and such. came out to her about being plural (she was not even a little bit surprised), about my past addiction issues, about how my eating disorder started (and learned a bunch about eating issues i've had since birth), and a bunch of other things. henry and big bird also visited with the stuffies at her house.
was a really, really, really good day. talking with my mum a lot is good lots. she says that i've seemed a lot more "like myself" the past few visits, which is a result of project 2009, trying to be myself instead of who i think everyone else wants me to be. i'm glad the positive changes are noticable to others too, and not just myself :)
squeeee!
Apr. 26th, 2009 @ 09:06 pm
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| » climbing update! |
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i completed my first 5.9 (YDS) climb today at Rock Oasis! very proud of myself, was a lot of work physically and mentally to get to the top. learned a bunch too:
- using legs instead of arms whenever possible saves a lot of hand/arm strength. using arms for balance and weight shifts, and legs where possible to make vertical progress means getting tired less quickly.
- resting frequently is key. typically in the past if I'm having trouble getting past a point, I'll come down to the ground and rethink it. today I would hang out (literally) for a bit and ponder what my next moves would be, then get back on the wall and execute them. wouldn't have made it up if I'd come down every time I got stuck a bit.
- i should be pushing myself to climb until i get to the top or fall. by backing down if I can't find a move, I'm not learning as much. If I think I can't find a move, I should try *something* that I think might work, because then I'll learn what works better. It helped today, doing that more.
- I had a real fall for the first time today. was working on a harder 5.9 (most holds on it require pulling yourself up on mostly finger/hand strength, as you have to grip holds that are upside down/sideways) earlier in the day and went to move to another hold with one hand, losing my balance in the process. was really, really scary as i fell (it's a 60ft climb, so there's ~100 feet of rope to stretch when you fall), but right after it was "oh yeah, i have a rope!". need to be falling more to get used to it, and to learn things (by pushing myself hard enough that I end up falling).
- my harness is awesome. i hung around a lot in it today resting and falling, and it's extremely comfy.
- practiced balance stuff a bunch on each climb, figuring out where my weight needed to be to make it to the next hold, and how to move to adjust my balance in that way. still need a lot more practice figuring it all out, but it's coming along.
- I'm getting much more comfortable yelling things down to my belayer. It's hard for me to be loud, and that's been a problem communication-wise, but lisanys and i communicated a lot more today even 40ft up. we started using more standard sequences of phrases during climbing starts, rests, and re-starts today, to make sure we both understand what's happening. this helps not only in safety, but also in that i have a smaller 'dictionary' of phrases to try to identify when I'm far away from the other person and I can't speechread.
Apr. 17th, 2009 @ 10:39 pm
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| » odd dream about climbing |
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dreamt last night that i was at MEC with lisanys looking for a new climbing harness (not sure why, i already have one that i love!). we were trying on different sizes, and she started making fun of me for the size of the one i needed! (she would never do that in real life!) she was teasing me about the fact that my harness was 145sq. ft., where hers was a small. my brain likely combined the square footage of a Falcon 3 (145 sq. ft.) in my size with a harness size (possibly related to the fact that we're climbing this morning)... my brain is weird.
Apr. 10th, 2009 @ 10:00 am
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| » Project 2009: March Status Report |
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At the end of 2008, I posted about wanting 2009 to be about doing new scary things that I'd been scared to do in the past. As part of that, I'm posting a 'status update' at the end of each month. Here are the things I've done for Project 2009 in March:
- Working lots on recovery from anorexia. It's been really, really hard a number of times this month, but I'm managing. It's even getting to the point where my eating patterns as they are right now are starting to feel 'normal'. Still have a long way to go, but I'm doing it. :)
- Tried indoor rock climbing. As was one of my goals for the month, I went climbing with lisanys and Darq a few weeks back. I loved it! I've since bought my own gear (harness, shoes, chalk bag) and we've made it a twice-weekly event ever since. I had some fear issues at first (around falling from heights), but worked on it in therapy and in group, and got over the issues. This past week had little to no issue at all. Climbing is awesomefun and good strength excercise.
- Started planning specifics for Burning Man. Bought tickets, and started thinking more seriously about the plans for it. Started to work on a prototype shelter, to work out construction/design details for the real one.
- Wrote more on LJ. I had zero posts in February (other than the status update for Project 2009), and 6 posts in March. Yay!
Goals for the next month:- See my audiologist/dispenser to get new earmolds done. This was on my list of goals for March, but didn't happen due to busyness around work (and because it's scary). I do still need to get this done.
- Do my 2008 taxes. This seems like a normal thing, but it's a big deal for me.
- Get my hair re-dyed. Because I need it re-bleached and such, it'll need to be somewhere professional. Will be scary, but I'll do it :)
- Work out plans to go tandem hang-gliding in May.
Apr. 1st, 2009 @ 07:44 pm
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| » workies |
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the final implementation phase of a project i've been working on at work since August was today/yesterday, and it went really well overall! as much as I dislike working 0600-0130, seeing a big project all come together is really awesome. almost done now, just a couple final things to finish up. the next shift then comes on tomorrow morning and tests everything. *crosses fingers she doesn't get paged at 0500*
Mar. 22nd, 2009 @ 02:06 am
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| » i has a gear |
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went and bought climbing gear this afternoon! since it looks like we're going to keep climbing at least once a week, $10 per climbing day for rental gear doesn't seem to make sense. now have a harness, shoes, and a chalk bag. also proud of myself because I did my research ahead of time and asked to see what I wanted to get (and had researched to make sure would work well for me) rather than just asking them what they thought and going with that blindly. think i made good choices from test-sitting with the harness and a little test-bouldering on the MEC climbing wall. very different from the rentals i'm used to, but should be really good.
yay climbing! sounds like we'll be climbing again on Monday. :)
Mar. 14th, 2009 @ 07:07 pm
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| » climbing yesterday! |
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went climbing again yesterday, and got over many of my fears! started out doing a belay check (as it was our second time climbing, now we're good to top-rope climb there whenever w/o any checks) which went fine. after that we climbed for a couple hours, and I got to the top of all but one climb I attempted! including a couple 40ft ones, and the one that beat me last time we were there. there were a couple times i got scared still (mostly when I had one foot and one hand off the wall), but kept telling myself that I might as well keep going up, as there was no good reason not to. at worst I'd fall a very short distance, and either get back on the wall or be lowered down. there were a couple times when I nearly let myself stop partway, but usually after resting a few seconds I was okay to keep going, and got to the top. the very last climb of the day (a 5.6 that I'd completed earlier in the evening) something 'clicked', and fear kind of dropped away even more. my planning turned from 'am i going to fall if i try to make that hold?' to 'is there a reasonable chance i can make that hold?' and i stopped letting fear control all my moves. hopefully said 'clicking' will continue next climb.
the one climb I didn't get to the top of was planning/physical/skill limits, not mental (it was an unlabelled wall that turned out to be a 5.7). very happy about that! just need more practice. likely going to go buy gear today so I don't have to keep renting each time ($10 per climbing day adds up quickly), since it seems like something I'm going to keep doing.
i datalogged much of the climbing yesterday (heart rate and altitude), I'll download the data and post anything that looks interesting :)
yay climbing! *bouncies lots*
Mar. 14th, 2009 @ 09:54 am
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| » dream about heights and climbing |
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really bad dream lastnight, wanted to record it. it was in my usual 'fear of heights dream' space (a big rickedy tower, sometimes complete with elevator up the centre if it's a bad dream about elevators), climbing up these weird old rusty iron handholds. they were semicircular, two of them mounted side by side at each rung (so an upper left quadrant of a circle, a 6" gap, then an upper right quadrant of a circle, each one about 18" long). In unicode they would be:
◜◝
The tower was 20-30 storeys high, and we were near the 20 storey point when my dream 'started'. I was climbing with a bunch of other people, some of whom were falling now and then. No protection at all, just climbing each rung slowly (and for some reason I couldn't use my legs, was just pulling myself up using my arms). I was trying to find AA batteries evidently, and they were at a store near the top of the tower (it's an office building). Each floor had windows open to this climbing area (3"x2", hinged at the top), but most were only open a little bit. I was climbing higher and higher looking for a window I could get myself through (with people climbing around me falling now and then, down to the bottom). I thought at one point 'why would I be up this high without any protection, looking for *batteries*... this must be a dream!'. opened my eyes and saw my bedroom ceiling :) was odd, i've never been able to realize something was a dream, while *in* my dream before. maybe it's because i got over many of my fears climbing yesterday, now i'm learning how to escape bad dreams too ;)
this dream seems to have combined:
- searching for batteries. this week i had to search for #13 batteries earlier in the week, and CR2032 batteries for my HRM later in the week.
- climbing
- being afraid of unprotected heights
- reading about a harness failure yesterday while researching harnesses (people falling)
I don't know where the old iron rungs came from, or the windows. it was a *really* scary dream until the point I realized it *was* a dream.
Mar. 14th, 2009 @ 08:58 am
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| » dealing with fears re: climbing |
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In group last night we talked about exploring/dealing with fears, and it seemed applicable to real life right now in a non-eating-disorder sense. One suggestion was to write down all your fears about something, as getting them all out in writing can help. I figured I'd apply that to what was on my mind at the time. Climbing on Sunday I was limited by fear, not physical limits, and I want to be able to get over that for next time.
I'm scared of heights climbing, above around 20 feet. Why? Well, actually I'm scared of *falling* from heights, not height itself. Why? Because my gear might not arrest a fall. Why? Because:
- My knot may not be secure enough, and it may come undone under load.
Having read about them and looked at them more, the knots are designed to tighten under load, not loosen. I always have someone else double check them too, so any mis-knotting would be caught before I climb. This one is, I think, my biggest fear as it's the only real non-redundant aspect.
- The belay device (grigri in this case) might malfunction and not arrest my fall.
There's not much to malfunction, really. It's just a cam. Outside, pebbles or sand could jam it open, but indoors there's not much to go wrong. Any failure mode would still give enough friction to stop a fall anyway.
- The belay device might not be threaded right, and might not arrest my fall.
The only way it wouldn't be threaded right is if it was done in reverse. I can double check that before climbing, and even if it's threaded backwards it will generate enough friction for whoever's belaying me to stop me from falling.
- Whoever is belaying us may not be paying attention when we fall.
We trust anyone who we'd have belay for us to pay attention. Even then, if they do absolutely nothing, we *still* won't fall because the grigri will lock up. The only way we could fall with it is if they were holding it open, which there is no reason to do unless i'm in the process of being let down.
Next time I'm there (Friday likely) I'll try to remind myself of these things if one of them is worrying me. Also going to do a bunch of intentional falls again, to help prove to myself that it's going to work. Likely just a lot more practice/experience will help convince my brain.
Mar. 11th, 2009 @ 09:21 pm
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| » got high today |
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Went indoor climbing today at Rock Oasis with lisanys and Darq. Had a lot of fun! Was initially worried about how to deal w/ my stick, lack of leg strength on my right side, etc. but it ended up not being too much of an issue. Once I'm on the wall it wasn't much of an issue at all (used my arms more than my legs, the only times I had issues were when the only place I had to get myself up was using my right leg), and the few times it was I was mostly able to work it out. Before I'm on the wall it's more of a problem, but wall-walking works fine for the most part. I'll get better at dealing with all of that with practice I'm sure.
My limits today turned out to be mental, rather than physical. I got to the top of a short 5.4 a couple times while learning, then worked on a higher 5.6 a couple times, but as I got higher up I was having issues going further, because I couldn't/wasn't trusting the gear to hold me if I fell. I'd get to a certain point each climb on higher walls and not be able to get myself to go further, even though I physically could. I went back to a (lower) 5.5 and fell intentionally a bunch of times, proving to myself that the gear would hold me, then worked on other ones a bit more. I'm going to need to do some more intentional falls, and work on being less scared of getting up higher. Logically I know the gear will hold me, but convincing myself of that while climbing is going to take some more work. Want to get to the point where i'm being physically limited, not mentally! :)
Overall had a lot of fun though, and definitely going to try to make that a regular thing.
Mar. 8th, 2009 @ 10:38 pm
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| » project 2009 status update |
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I just did my project 2009 status post for february but to keep them on the last day of the month I backdated it. It won't show up for people right now because of that though, so if you're interested click the link :)
Mar. 1st, 2009 @ 07:55 pm
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| » Project 2009: February Status Report |
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At the end of 2008, I posted about wanting 2009 to be about doing new scary things that I'd been scared to do in the past. As part of that, I'm posting a 'status update' at the end of each month. Here are the things I've done for Project 2009 in February:
- Found a nutritionist, and started seeing her weekly. Got on a meal plan, which I've been following for nearly a month now. Has been scary and really hard overall, but I'm managing. Yay anorexia recovery. Most days, anyway. :)
- Re-dyed my hair a more vibrant colour. It's now very intense purple on 4/5, and bright pink on 1/5. It's awesome lots, but was scarier around work at first. So far all positive comments from work (though I'm still in hiding from HR because of it), and lots of random positive comments from strangers. It very much suits me. No pictures taken of it yet, I'll have some at some point...
- Bought tickets for Forever Young in May.
Goals for the next month:
- Write more. No LJ entries since the last status report, I don't like that... I'd like to be writing more elsewhere too, this month.
- Try climbing. Half the people in my life are doing it right now, and it looks fun. :)
- See my audiologist/dispenser to get new earmolds done. My earmolds aren't fitting well at all since I lost a bunch of weight, and I want more occlusive molds anyway. The latter is what is going to be hard, sticking up for what I want and know will work best, even if it's not what they think will be most effective for me. I stuck up for myself getting my aids in the first place (they thought ITCs would work best, I thought BTEs would), and the ones I decided would work best have been *so* good for me.
- Keep working on recovery from anorexia.
Feb. 28th, 2009 @ 11:00 pm
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